Saturday, December 20, 2008

Profound Relationships

What makes a profound relationship between two people? Something beyond one based on sex. Something beyond one based on romance. Or friendship. Or timing. Something that is the sum of all those parts and more than the sum. The product of the multiplication of all those parts.

Timing, Friendship, Eroticism, Romance. A relationship that combines all 4 of these elements in the right proportions will exhibit something that appears spiritual. A holistic bonding of two individuals that is healthy, productive, positive and growing. There may be more, but these elements are certainly key.

Is this blending of two spirits into a greater whole the same as agape? I do not think so. Agape is a Greek word translated into English as "love", but has historical usage that seems to denote a more generalized love for God or from God. The kind of relationship I am seeking to describe is one that is squarely rooted in humanity. However, the exercise and success at blending the elements leads to an expression that is intimate, artistic, and at best, spiritual.

Are any of the elements more key than others? Well, certainly timing is fundamental. Without it, an initial meeting cannot occur. Beyond that, the particular individual states must be compatible for anything beyond a simple introductory exchange to occur. Timing may not be everything, but it is fundamental.

Beyond the relevance for initial meeting, timing is a meta-component of all the others and throughout a relationship. Timing of movement, comments, initiation, verbal exchanges and on and on are constantly guiding a relationship in subtle directions. Timing is to relationships as time is to physical dimensionality (i.e. it is a dimension, but has an ordering function on the other three of height, width and depth). Timing is necessary for starting a relationship and acts as a steering wheel throughout a relationship to keep it on course or not.

Of the other three, friendship certainly plays the next most important role. It is the cornerstone of any long-term relationship. It needs to be fed very often and enhances patience when trying times cause emotional flareups. Friendship loves fun and doing things together. It is enhanced through conversation, common activities and intimacy. Without friendship a relationship can be a silly melo-romantic wallowing or a one night stand (potentially repeated a few times).

Adding romance on top of friendship builds an important tier for affection. Touching, kissing, cuddling are irrestible if romance is present. Thoughtful, meaningful gifts may be a part of it. Thoughtfulness is definitely a part of it and to a higher degree than thoughtfulness at a friendship level. Human history is filled with the common symbols of romantic expression, which are best used once in a while and semi-regularly for maximum intensity. Too much becomes empty sentimentality. Too little diminishes a relationship back to the friendship level.

Eroticism, while present in the best of relationships, is least important from a long term perspective, but common in short term relationships. In profound relationships, it is best sprinkled sparsely over the top of a dish with a solid foundation in timing, reinforced with a flexible layer of friendship and energized with a tier of romance. A little goes a long way. If romance is the sauce, eroticism is the secret spice.

The specific combination of these elements is infinite and will be different for every relationship of course. Relationships that succeed, even for a less than marathon time period, will appear to be a work of art. Lovers are in sync and the relationship exudes positive energy that is energizing to those around it.

"I gotta get me some of that" is the usual reaction. The terms "power couple" or "soulmate" are pathetic attempts to express the effect of such a relationship in words. Music or some other art form do a much better job.

1 comment:

dbazan said...

Additional elements key to a good relationship include unconditional love and respect. I agree that timing is a fundamental element, has an interactive relationship with all other elements and is key to the growth and development of all elements throughout the life of a relationship. Unconditional love, though encompassing, is the foundation of a good relationship. Respect is also a foundational element in a good relationship. Some elements have commonality with other elements such as respect and friendship but some elements have a cause and effect relationship to other elements such as friendship and romance.